• Gaming Revelations: Who Really Killed Jason?!



      It was a normal sunny that quickly turned to tragedy. We are all familiar with the tragic story of Jason Mars from Heavy Rain. A combination of stupidity and inattentiveness seemed to take the poor kid out, but what if it wan't so simple? What if, like so many cases, there was far more at stake? What if this seemingly random tragedy belied a conspiracy that could shake the very foundations of the video game industry as we know it?

      David Cage and Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain was quite the game. You meet happy-go-lucky parent Ethen Mars, a slightly mentally handicapped 30-something. Any person who can't quite master pouring orange juice has problems, let's face it. Things take a turn for the worse however when Jason decides "Hey, today is a nice day for a balloon."



      WRONG! See that was the first mistake and the hint at something larger at work, a detail often looked over in the vicious murder of Jason Mars. That's right, I said murder. Now we all know he ends up street pizza but let's examine this crucial moment in depth. You see, theres this guy:



      Yep. He's a Pokemon named Drifloon. I know what you're saying, what does Pokemon have to do anything with Heavy Rain? Well prepare to be blown away. Here is the Pokedex entry for our precious little balloon Pokemon. This particular entry comes from the Pokemon Pearl game:
      It tugs on the hands of children to steal them away. However, it gets pulled around instead.
      Disconcerting to say the least, but there's more. The english translation was modified to be less creepy. In the original Japanese game Drifloon takes children to the "world of the dead" not simply "steals them away". If that wasn''t enough, this entry comes from the HeartGold and SoulSilver games:
      It is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloon for a balloon and holds on to it could wind up missing.
      So, dear readers, what if Jason's death was the result of a clever assassination attempt by none other than... Nintendo! Corporate sabotage most subtle and foul could be the result of Nintendo's desire to eliminate PlayStation first party characters. Afterall, a cleverly disguised Drifloon would only be acting on its own nature by taking Jason to the land of the dead, and what faster way than by car?



      So far Nintendo has declined to comment on my accusations. If anyone would like to join me at Gamefreak to make a citizens arrest on Ken Sugimori, Drifloon's creator I would appreciate it!
      Comments 5 Comments
      1. mas8705's Avatar
        mas8705 -
        ...

        Why can't you accept the fact that Jason was a stupid little boy? ok, that maybe going to far, so I'll just blame lousy writing. I mean, what kind of kid just walks away from his father TWICE, wonders on his own in a heavily populated mall, and even crosses the street without looking both ways?! The kid was sadly programmed to be an idiot.

        *looks away*

        ... The secret must never be learned...
      1. Alex SageMode Rayon's Avatar
        OBJECTION! How could it be my defendant Drifloon if the baloon was red!!
      1. mas8705's Avatar
        mas8705 -
        ...

        I CAN'T STAY SILENT ANYMORE!

        I admit it! I was in charge of deleting the evidence so that no one could make the connection!

        Here is the actual picture. I am ashamed of myself for the crime that I've done...

      1. Emily "Darkcamllama" Hatcher's Avatar
        Quote Originally Posted by Alex SageMode Rayon View Post
        OBJECTION! How could it be my defendant Drifloon if the baloon was red!!
        Correct! Drifloon is naturally purple, though in its shiny state it is yellow. Take that!
      1. Chris "WildCardCorsair" Garcia's Avatar
        yes but red paint was found in the offices at Gamefreak/The Pokemon Company!! Take That!!